A broken, lonesome road to walk but wait, I’m coming with you.
We walk a while, silence the only comfort between us that not even the soot covered path can break. Stenches of vinegar and turpentine are overwhelming but we continue forward out of step. The walls either side are towering, blocking almost all the light from above and I can hardly see my hand in front of my face but I’m certain that you are only a few steps behind. I can feel your breath on my neck, or is that just the wind? I can feel a brush of cloth on my hand, are you reaching for me or are you turning to go back? Every time I am certain there is a doubt that creeps into my empty soul and I can not help myself but wonder if you might not be there. What have I to keep you beside me? What do I offer a goddess of Hell but the shallow shell of the person I was? Would you even accept me after what I have become?
I’m shaking now, unsure if it’s the icy cold of winter or the frozen grip of fear and I can’t help but let my mind race with possibilities. Maybe you were never there in the first place. Maybe the broken, lonesome road is all in my mind, a trick of Hades and you are my bait. I see you now, ripping out my heart for your master and yet I still yearn for you to love me like before. The mind truly knows how to make the heart break. Yet, when I imagine your face it is too real to be a figment of imagination or a tool of demons. There is too much kindness in those eyes, too much love in those fingers. The doubt is creeping further now; can I hold on for much longer or will the thickening soot overwhelm me? Us?
Is that your voice I’m hearing or is it just another game my mind is playing? In my mind I can see you ahead of me, dancing down the broken, lonesome road like it was any other. You’re guiding me towards the light but I am already blinded by your radiance. Your voice is echoing through my body pulling me towards the end with supple hands and gentle touches. Those hands, the hands I long to grasp on to, could pull gold from the ashes below and for a moment my heart falters. My hands are reaching out for you and yet there is nothing to hold but the unending darkness. Where are you? You were there only a few moments ago I am sure of it. If you are not there, then how can I be sure that you have not left me once more? I’m scared my darling, my heart is screaming and yet there is no noise. There is nothing to hold onto though I grip so tightly. I have to know if you are there, it is breaking me from the inside out.
Doubt comes in and my mortal soul is unable to break free from its hold. Mere metres from freedom and I grasp a fleeting glance of your glowing skin. My heart stops and I am certain that yours does also as I see the dark begin to tug and pull. Our eyes meet and I realise that the fear I felt seconds ago is nothing in comparison to that in your eyes. In this moment there is nothing I wish to do more than to hold onto you and to never let go but in a moment, you are gone. There is no sound, no light or movement. I’m at the end of the broken, lonesome road and yet I am convinced that there is nothing that will truly end the journey.
A broken, lonesome road to walk; it waits for me.
Splendid Fred Magazine 