Horror From the Splendid Fred Archives! January 5th 1897
There was tragedy on Winchester high street yesterday as a trio of blood-thirsty demons sprung loose and set upon local residents. Thousands were killed in the attacks, although the real victim appears to be the pride of Clement Barrington-Brown, advice columnist for The Hampshire Examiner.
In an exclusive interview with Splendid Fred, local student Justin Carruthers admitted that the destructive metaphor wreaking havoc on the streets of Winchester had, until two days ago, been his own personal demons.
Whilst Carruthers admitted this responsibility, he placed the blame for the incident squarely at the feet of Mr Barrington-Brown who had advised the student to ‘exercise(sic) your demons’ and ‘let them go’.
It is thought that the demons were released in the early hours of yesterday morning, after undertaking an intensive two-week fitness regime. Police were powerless to stop them, the terror only ending when Carruthers remembered an unpleasant incident from childhood that brought them flooding back.
Barrington-Brown and The Examiner have issued written apologies to both Justin Carruthers and the families affected by the unfortunate incident.
Justin Carruthers has escaped legal action, but has since been advised to lay his demons to rest.