Dear Ms Perry/ Mrs Brand, or whatever name you go by,

I recently had the misfortune of seeing your single Last Friday Night on MTV. Firstly- and this point is aimed at many others in your line of work, too – give up with the 1980s obsession. Crimped hair, gaudy colours, big earrings – just let it go. The 1980s were NOT fun. They were a time of greedy fat-cats, YUPPIES, Maggie Thatcher, and giant, frenzied Rottweilers, let loose in parks to maul toddlers. People looked like idiots, and, for the most part, acted like them too. No-one looked good in the 1980s; not even Paul Newman, and that bloke always looked good. So, dear musicians, fashion designers, and any other poor, misguided morons: leave this repugnant, putrid decade in the past where it belongs. End of point one.


Secondly, Ms Perry/ Mrs Brand: why do you feel it is acceptable to ridicule ‘Geeks’ (if you must categorise intelligent, hard-working teenagers as such)? Your portrayal of one such girl in Last Friday Night, pulled off in your usual subtle, understated way, is nothing less than appallingly offensive, and, although I’m sure it was great fun for you to play at being a social outcast, did you, under the cliched big glasses and braces, stop to consider what life is actually like for those less physically blessed than yourself (I speak here with the accepted verdict regarding your appearance)? When I was at school, those unfortunate enough to wear ‘headgear’ braces, were walking targets for small-minded bullies, and, more often than not, they didn’t have the opportunity to morph into a beautiful swan overnight, like your ‘character’ in the video. And your suggestion that consuming large quantities of alcohol, vomiting into a shoe, passing out on a bed, and waking up next to a naked man is conducive to popularity is an appalling message to send out to your army of youthful fans.

To cap it all off, the song is crap and you smell.


Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells.