Well, okay, it would be a blatant lie to say this is anything but a thinly veiled way to advertise the upcoming Late Train Comedy Night III: The Christmas Special, but it’s not as though I’m a huge corporate entity tainting this student-centric non-profit website. I’m a student myself— I’m not the bad guy here. If I had a crossbow I’d shoot Nick Clegg in the groin just as many times as you would…

But this isn’t about politics. This is about good old fashioned entertainment, and a little bit about my own ego and pressing desire for attention. Hell, whilst I’m at it I might as well plug the upcoming Sound Radio fundraiser at the Vault that I’m hosting on Tuesday 7th December from 7.30pm. Actually, that’s a university society and it’s a very good cause so I don’t feel bad about shamelessly hawking that.

Okay, back to the matter at hand: The Late Train Comedy Night at The Railway. Well, you know how eating a Gregg’s steak bake leaves your lips feeling like you’ve been passionately kissing a supermodel made of grease? Well the Late Train is kind of like that but the supermodel is made of laughter, it affects your whole body and you’ve been doing a hell of a lot more than just kissing.

Admittedly this is an unfounded and bias statement. A statement made by a man who has not been dressed all day and is drinking his secret stash of scotch straight from the bottle as he writes the world’s most incoherent press release. I’ll hold my slightly drunk hands up and say it: this is propaganda of Rocky IV proportions. I’m not going to say a word against my comedy night, and I’ll fire my crossbow at anyone who dares intimate that this stand up showcase held at The Railway Inn on Thursday December 16th from 8.30pm is anything other than brilliant.

Alright, serious face now: This upcoming show will be the third Late Train. Maths experts will be unsurprised to learn that there have been two preceding it. The first one was held at the end of October, a month after I convinced the managers of The Railway that I could probably organize a comedy night. I was uncharacteristically sober that afternoon, but it was still the happiest I’d ever left a pub.

The first night was like a pilot of a TV series, but there was a bar and mood lighting. I found seven other amateur stand ups and organized a show. Over forty people turned out to come and watch— no doubt encouraged by the rather reasonable FREE ENTRY— and they were a supportive and enthusiastic audience. Aside from the reprehensible number of Madeline McCann jokes submitted to the joke contest it was a fun filled evening that satisfied everyone: the audience were entertained, I got a bit of attention, and the bar made a fortune because the place had forty-seven more people than they normally have in on a Thursday night.

Because of the stunning success, a second Late Train pulled up (get it?!) on November 18th. That one was more mixed. Even I, as a realist, would have to say that that show started badly. The turn out wasn’t so great and the show started so late people had kind of lost their excitement for it. Oh, also I was a bit s**t at the beginning which wasn’t great. But on the upside I was getting free drinks at the bar as a reward for organizing an event of such staggering awesomeosity. And… and during the interval a load of people turned up, filled the room out and changed things around a bit. A kid with part of his jeans cut off performed open mic about eating fish fingers and was so funny he won a copy of Shania Twain’s 1998 pop classic Come On Over (the one with Man, I Feel Like a Woman AND That Don’t Impress Me Much). The second half proved a great success, and afterwards I was invited to join the radio society and then we all got mindblowingly drunk, I parodied Planet of the Apes somewhere on Jewry Street and before I knew it I was at someone’s house eating sausages and playing with a hamster.

The Late Train Comedy Night is better than drugs in this regard. Anything can happen, but there’s a slightly lower chance of long term psychological damage.

So there you have it, I’m pretty sure that this proves beyond any reasonable doubt that The Late Train Comedy Night at The Railway is the greatest stand up show of all time, and easily the best in Winchester. For all these reasons and more you should come to the Christmas special at The Railway Inn on Thursday 16th December 2010. It’s free entry, and doors open at 8.30pm.

We look forward to seeing you then…