Come Dine with Me – Sunday 8pm Channel 4

Come dine with me is a firm favourite to many TV viewers, even the most basic of cooks. It is less so about culinary ability (although there is fierce competition to win) and more about guest interaction. The series prides itself on placing individuals who have little in common with one another into culinary battle, ensuring personalities and not just the food crash and burn. So the over-riding question is what happens when four ravenous guests meet for the first time through their shared love of food..? You’ve guessed it; total mayhem! Therefore I have devised three rules which you should abide by when watching this programme:

1. Don’t expect to learn anything about cooking (that’s just too obvious)
2. Don’t trust the innocence of some dinner guests…as the saying goes: ‘looks can be deceiving’
3. Whatever you do, under no circumstances, ever host a dinner party with people you don’t know (unless you have a strong stomach!)

Total Wipeout – Saturday 7pm BBC1

The Total Wipeout obstacle course should strike undivided fear within its victims, due to the mental and physical ability needed to take on a number of challenges and win the grand prize of £10,000…yet this is far beyond the truth. Individuals willingly apply to compete in this obstacle course, and therefore seem less daunted and dare I say more excited to take up the challenge, showing what the British public will do for a cash prize. Individuals, regardless of their age, gender, weight or height attempt to tackle the impossible, with obstacles such as “dizzy dummies” distorting their viewpoint by spinning them endlessly on a podium for one minute before expecting such individuals to duck and dive over a series of foam objects…now if this isn’t entertainment, what is?! Not only are they tried and tested in every way possible, but also emotionally scarred and embarrassed beyond belief… for our benefit and amusement of course! Why else would the BBC produce such a programme if not for us to have a good giggle over?

For a fun and humiliating evening, at someone else’s expense, tune into Total Wipeout.