– New Indie band ‘The Beatles’ release their debut album Please Please Me to a lukewarm critical reception, and a lowly #20 on the album charts.
– X-Factor contestant ‘Pretty’ Jim Tootle performs the track Love Me Do live on TV. The following Monday, the Please Please Me album climbs to #1 in the charts, and remains there for six months. eventually being replaced by Tootle’s own debut (featuring Love Me Do and 11 other cover-versions).
– George Martin releases his first album, featuring twelve songs written and performed by The Beatles. Despite not writing or playing a single note, Martin is declared a ‘genius’ and heralded as the new Mark Ronson (by Mark Ronson).
– Paul McCartney records a duet with Beyonce.
– John Lennon records a duet with Beyonce.
– George Harrison records a duet with Beyonce.
– Ringo Starr launches his own fragrance ‘Stench of Starr’.
– Ringo Starr’s new Fragrance pulled from shelves after being found to contain cat’s urine.
– After negotiations for a 15 album, £100 Million contract break down, The Beatles decide to persue solo projects.
– Capitalising on the press coverage of their split, Paul McCartney releases his solo single ‘My story: by Paul McCartney’ the next day. It makes #1 in the singles charts.
– George Harrison appears on ‘I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here’, and wins, after bravely consuming an alligator’s anus.
– Following a disastrous attempt at a solo career, Ringo Starr lands a role on Coronation Street.
– John Lennon performs his debut solo single on the X-Factor final show. It reaches #2 the following Monday, and #245 the week after.
– John Lennon dies in a tragic accident on stage, whilst performing at Butlins.
– The 3 surviving Beatles reform within 10 minutes of hearing the news, claiming ‘It was what John would’ve wanted’ (despite Lennon frequently stating he would hate the band to get back together).
– Beatles comeback single, Will I Am-produced: ‘We miss our dead “brother” so, so much, please buy this as we need the money and crave the fame’, is released, and hits the number 1 spot. Its video, featuring The Beatles at Lennon’s funeral, crying into his open coffin, later wins ‘Best Video’ at the MTV awards.
– The Beatles split, citing ‘Irreconcilable differences’ as the reason.
– Two weeks later, after a reconciliation, The Beatles reform for a second time.
– George Martin’s latest album ‘Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band’ reaches #1 in 37 countries, and is voted ‘Album of the decade’ by Q Magazine.